Expectorated Lambency
by freaky-hanyou
Summary: Not as crazy as the title. It is one of those stories where not everything is what it seems... One shot InuKag


ok don't look at me like that.

I can just see every single one of your faces like this o.O right now.

DO NOT WORRY! This title is a hint. A hint! Its like those Weffriddles thingies (( in which they give you hints to find the answer. And I didn't want to give _away_ what was yet to be discovered in this little humor fic that I randomly thought of out of the blue.

Ahem. Disclaimer: I don't think I would be writing this story if I owned InuYasha. J

"Talk" _think_ ((yours truly))

**Expectorated Lambency**

((okay just seeing my own title makes me go wtf.))

Miroku whistled a cheery tune as he walked down the familiar path to Goshinboku. It was a mild spring day in Sengoku Jidai, and after a brief argument between InuYasha and Kagome, InuYasha declared that they would be taking a one day break. Miroku smiled. _Kagome has more than one way to persuade that man…_

As if his thoughts were right on cue, the closer he got to Goshinboku, the more he heard a rustling in the bushes. Somewhat alarmed, he tentatively approached the bush. He did not sense any youkai, but once in a while he was known to be wrong. He relaxed when he recognized InuYasha and Kagome's auras. His thoughts, however, took on a perverted twinge as their conversation became clearer.

"Let me see it."

"No."

"Come on, just a little peek…"

"No means no Kagome!"

"Please, I'm not going to hurt it!"

"You don't know that!"

"How do I know? You could have—"

A flock of startled birds impaired Miroku's hearing of their conversation. _What exactly are they talking about…_ Miroku grinned at his own thoughts as their conversation continued.

"I can't believe you think so little of me, InuYasha! The only person I would even _think_ of doing this for is you! Now let me see!"

A snatching noise was heard followed by a rustle of clothing.

"There. See? Hard part's over."

InuYasha didn't speak.

"Now I just go like this…"

That got InuYasha's attention. "_No!_ Don't do that! Who knows what'll happen!"

"It'll work better that's what'll happen. Now if I just rub it here like this…"

Again InuYasha started; the bush made a noise as if one was pulling away. "Ohhhh no, if you do that it'll break!"

"Oh it won't break, give it here, stop being so protective!"

Another rustle.

"Be careful Kagome!"

There were a few moments of silence, and Miroku decided to "enhance his viewing experience" by climbing a nearby tree.

"You definitely made it worse, Kagome."

"I did not! See looks it's shinier now!"

"It's wet."

"Oh, bah, it'll dry in a little bit. Now for the finishing touch…"

"What, you're done already?"

"Expecting more?"

InuYasha was silent.

"Now if I just pull—" the birds Miroku disturbed had interrupted his listening—"mouth"—"it'll work easier."

InuYasha scoffed. "Psh, that won't do _anything._"

"Wanna bet?"

InuYasha remained silent yet again.

Miroku heard a 'ptoo' noise and more rustling.

InuYasha grunted again. "That definitely _is _better."

"See? I told you I was good with—"

A loud crack signaled Miroku's fall right into the clearing with the two love birds. Miroku, unfazed, didn't miss a beat. "And what are you two doing out here in the bushes? Nothing I would enjoy hmm?"

Miroku snapped his mouth shut as soon as he finished talking. _Man, when I'm wrong, I really am wrong._ He sighed.

There, in the clearing, Kagome was polishing Tetsusaiga.

Kagome, however, remained unfazed by Miroku's sudden appearance. "See? A little spit shine can even make _your_ sword look better!"

"Keh. Monk! What in hells are you doing in that tree!"

Miroku put on his innocent-as-the-day-I-was-born face. "Just bird watching, of course." He then stood up and began walking back towards the village.

…

"Is he gone?" Kagome whispered.

InuYasha sniffed the air. "Yep! Man! I'm glad I smelled him before he got close before. He would have heard a whole different kind of spit shining…" Kagome giggled and pulled her hanyou closer.

"Now, where did I leave off…"

Owari

-------------

I can just see all of you now, all wtf-like. Don't mock my random bouts of crazy inspiration! But anyway…

Still wondering about the title?

Those two words are synonyms for Spit Shine.

As much as I wanted to call it Spit Shine, it toooootally gives away the story.

READ AND REVIEW TO SHOW ME LOVE!

freaky-hanyou


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